"Holy mother of Mary Shelley!"
"What the Tolkien?"
"By Victor Hugo’s spare underpants!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph Conrad!"
"Pardon my Molière, but I don’t give a Faulkner."
ah yes. hello spn fandom. welcome to this post.
I don’t know where to begin with this. I’m still hurting, and I was trying to avoid venting about this on the internet. I just have no where else to go. No one will take the time to read the rants of a woman with a broken heart. So here we go.
I have spent the last year falling in love. I let someone closer than I have ever let anyone. I can’t say that I’m surprised that it ended badly. You know the stereotypical break up? “We need to talk” from the guy. The girl starts to panic, because she knows. “I think we should see other people.” Another blow to her pride. “Why?” she asks. Then the guy comes up with some bullshit excuse. I had been convinced that only happened in really cheese movies. I was obviously wrong.
I have to ask a question to any guy that actually reads this shit. Why the fuck do you even bother? Why in the name of all the is good and beautiful in the world do you even bother? I don’t get it. It’s not like after you say “we need to talk” that it’s some big secret. We know. We’ll always know. It’s to cliche not to know it.
The man I had been falling in love with decided to use the excuse we are young. I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He hates being called a child, by anyone, in any way. I knew he was hypocritical, but I never expected that. He’s scared and he knows I am too. It’s funny that people make those kinds of assumptions about a person. Even if they are close. Yes, I was scared. Of exactly what happened. He had no right to assume I wasn’t ready for what was to come. I grew up very quickly, and have always wanted adult things. Now that I’m an adult, why is everyone taking them away from me?
I feel stupid sitting here, crying over a keyboard, thinking of you. So many good memories. I want to hate you so badly for what you’ve done. I want to be able to say fuck you and go die. I want so badly to feel like you were a waist of time. I just can’t. I loved you then and I love you now. I know what most people will think, that I’m pathetic and I need to just move on. I’m working on it. I just need to remember that you moved on and I can too.
Soon, you’ll be nothing but memories.